Hello High Heelers,
Decisions, decisions. Decisions are funny things. Some are so
simple to make, like whether to wear jeans on a chilly day, or a frivolous frock.
Others are really hard, like leaving the precious partner you adore but know is
not destined to share forever with you, or ending a stable career to chase a
dream that will undoubtedly lead to uncertainly and instability. I don’t know
about you, but my world has recently been loaded with difficult decisions and
my friends have also been sending conundrum after conundrum from every
direction, looking for sound advice. It feels as though people around me are
suddenly searching for a greater level of happiness and meaning. The age old (clichéd)
question is popping up all over the place – what is the meaning of life? Indeed,
what is it?
Well, as Douglas Adams wrote in ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to
the Galaxy’, that the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe,
and everything is 42. Uh, ok. 42 what? As matter-of-factly silly as this answer
is, perhaps that’s the point. We spend so much time overthinking things – I am
definitely guilty in this area. You know, perhaps decisions and answers are far
simpler than we realise. Just maybe, we need to start cutting out the noise,
the clutter, the fear and the ‘can’ts’ and start focussing on the actual
question. I’m not saying ignore the risk – if you step into a fire, you’re
going to burn (I promise!) What I am saying though, is that we often spend so
much time creating reasons for not doing the hard thing that we know is right,
instead of looking at the reasons why we should go ahead and take a calculated
risk. Note: calculated risk.
My favourite poem of all time is Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not
Taken’. That Mr. Frost was a clever guy. It reminds me that the right decision
for you, isn’t always the accepted choice (what others would do), and that it
will usually come with uncertainty and a good measure of angst. But for the
most part, when you take the road not taken, it will make all the difference.
What a wonderful word that is ‘difference.’ We all want to make a difference,
right? We want to find the thing we can do that will make the world a better
place than we found it. But so often we get side-tracked from discovering our
purpose, by a million feelings of inadequacy, heaps of insecurity and a good
measure of lack of faith in ourselves. We become our own barrier to a life
filled with more meaning and greater purpose.
This week one of my besties started a training course that
will lead her career in a completely different direction. She’s been ignoring
the desire to follow her heart for so long and eventually she ran into all the
right opportunities. After day one, things are going swimmingly. She’s had all
the affirmation she needs to confirm that she’s done the right thing – though the
path will surely have some twists and turns along the way. Another special lady
in my world left a lover that was not treating her properly. She put the fear
aside, ignored the risk of ‘not being looked after’ anymore and jumped into
singledom, head first. And guess what? She too is surviving. She may not be
swimming yet, but she’s floating and hoping for a better day as everything she
needs has slowly presented itself to her – in terms of work, a home, a stable
circle of caring friends… and so it shall continue.
When you make the right decisions, your path opens up with a
multitude of opportunities, though the journey isn’t necessarily going to be easy.
Sure, some decisions are really hard to make. Often those are the ones that rub
the back of your brain irritatingly, causing irritating little blisters that
just won’t go away. You cannot ignore them. They are linked to your purpose.
Your happiness. Your future. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
What’s meant to be will always find a way. But the action needs to come from
you. You need to make it happen. You need to take the leap. It’s up to you to
take what’s yours.
This week as we pull on our heels and step up to some tough
decision making, let’s remember to be brave. You are stronger than you think.
You are wiser than you know. And you’ll only realise your true potential when
you step out of your comfort zone and into the place where you’re stretched to
a new level of you.
Have a wonderful week.
Yours in heels,
Jo
Don't forget to LIKE our FaceBook page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heelers/193781660675079
And if you really, really like us – send us out across your
Social Networking Links – just click the appropriate icon below.
Hello High Heelers,
I got lost in my home town this morning. Yes, I did. As I
drove past the road that I knew I was meant to turn down, I watched familiarity
vanish into the misty, rainy morning traffic. If I hadn’t had my feet on the
accelerator and the clutch, I would have been kicking myself – but fortunately there
were no limbs available for that (for kicking or to be kicked). There was no
backtracking. There was no return. I had to go forwards into unchartered
territory and I had to find my way out of the Cape Town ringroads on a tough
weather day. In my defence, I grew up in this city years ago and I stayed on
the other side of the mountain.
In my non-defence, I get lost often. Very often. It’s almost
a party trick, a quirk. In fact, I’ve had a subconscious vetting system for all
past partners based on their ability to safely co-pilot me, over the phone,
from one location to the next. So usually in such lost-ness, I would have
immediately called my current navigator to talk me through and out. But since I’ve
been in a state of happy navigatorlessness for some time now, that was not an
option. Right. So there I was. In the city of my childhood, not so much stuck between
a rock and a hard place, but very much stuck between the mountain and my
workplace. Panic set in. I imagined myself driving in circles all day, or
worse, finding myself stuck in a ‘dangerous area’ (never mind that I’m a Joburg
girl and I can pretty much handle myself through anything).
It’s funny how we tell ourselves we can’t do things. Often it’s
because we listen to others tell us we can’t do them. I’ve spent a lifetime
listening to people tell me I have the direction of a ping pong ball, or that I’d
be the most entertaining Amazing Race contestant for viewers but the most
frustrating for my fellow competitor. Gosh, even when I went for psychometric testing
as a teenager the doctor told me that I’m great with words and numbers but that
I must stay away from engineering, as my lack of visual understanding and 3D
perception would be the death of people – possibly beginning with my own. He
also went into maps and navigation and explained my brain’s shortfalls. This
could be why, my father equipped me with a Garmin (unrequested) last year.
Though to be fair, if I’d known how effective that little thing was, I could
have saved myself a lot of poor vetting in the past.
With the help of said gadget, I proved all naysayers wrong
today. Yes I did. On total lost-ness, I whipped out my Garmin, I typed in the
address of my office on this side of the world, and I followed that annoying
lady’s voice. Man, she took me through weird and wonderful streets I didn’t
know existed. At one point I became a little concerned so also used the
navigation system on my cellphone, and on my tablet for extra measure. Three
options is better than none – and to me, better than one, too. I managed to
steer clear of dodgy areas where imminent death is a high probability (I think
it helps that there aren’t actually any such areas on this side of the
continent) and I got to my offices, only fifteen minutes late, though on time
for my first appointment. I even had a moment to pass the coffee shop for a hot
caffeine fix and some nerve chilling.
Sure, in all honesty, modern technology assisted with my
lack-of-direction out this morning. But in fairness to myself I may have a lack
of direction, but I don’t have a lack of drive. I knew where I was going and I decided
I was going to get there. So many people place restrictions on us. It’s really
quite unfair. Some people are told they have no aptitude for numbers, others
that they’re untalented artists – there’s a lifetime of ‘can’ts’ put on us.
Whatever limitations are placed on you, remember that your greatest limitation
is actually your own mind. It may seem somewhat of a cliché these days, but Mr.
Henry Ford was onto something when he said “if you think you can, or you think
you can’t, either way you’re right.”
You don’t have to do things the ‘hard way’ either. I may have
little sense of direction – but so what – my enabling devices have that sorted,
so I can focus on the stuff that I am good at, like sharing my silliness with
you. The modern world has enabled us in so many ways. Your grandfather may say
that your calculator makes you lazy, but any modern six-year old kid will tell
you that if you’re not managing your budget on your iPad with the necessary app,
you’re losing out on amazing functionality.
This week let’s be kind to ourselves and our capabilities.
Let’s focus on what we’re good at, let’s enable ourselves where we can, in our
weak areas. And let’s acknowledge that if we limit our power and our
capabilities that we’re doing ourselves a grave injustice. Step up to the
challenge of finding your best way forward and step out with confidence.
Have a wonderful week.
Yours in heels,
Jo
Don't forget to LIKE our FaceBook page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heelers/193781660675079
And if you really, really like us – send us out across your
Social Networking Links – just click the appropriate icon below.
Hello High Heelers,
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking this week. Really thinking. I mean, when you discover that your partner of 9 years was in long term relationships with 5 women while planning a wedding with you (yes, the number continues to climb), you realise that you’re just not seeing things the way they are. You’re seeing things the way you want to. When I take a moment and apply my mind, I realise that the signs were actually there all along, I just didn’t notice them, because I didn’t want to. I wanted to see bunny rabbits, fairy-tales and candyfloss. And that’s what I saw. I am the eternal optimist, why would I have seen anything else?
In my defence, the man was ‘wedding bonkers’. You hear about bridezilla – the girl who loses her mind before her wedding and creates all kinds of havoc in the lives of her friends and family. It doesn’t just happen in movies, it’s REAL. Well, my ex, was something of a ‘groomzilla’. He wanted the earliest date possible. He needed to be involved in all the decisions – from flowers to stationery, to my dress choice. No lilac was allowed. My dream of proteas and roses looked terrible. Absolutely no lilac. I was not to wear any red. Our venue had to be magnificent. Lilac was totally banned. The guest list had to be filled with the right people from the right places. Did I mention ‘no lilac’? He needed to oversee every detail. I’m not sure what the lilac was about – it could have something to do with the fact that it’s linked to the colour of a specific kind of frustration, which he clearly doesn’t suffer from!
Now while the dude was planning the wedding of the century – which nearly sent my father-of-the-bride to an early grave – he was also promising the sun, moon and stars to a list of unsuspecting lunatics. I was one of them. In fact, I was the lunar-zilla. The signs were so cliché I shudder when I think of them. I didn’t pay attention to the women’s perfume wafting off his shirts, the lipstick on the collar, the lip gloss his ‘sister’ left in his car, the fact that he was always broke after payday, the long pieces of brunette hair fished out of my bath (I’m VERY blonde), the glitter left on his face (which was often there), the violent way he protected his phone, the many times he missed my calls, the unconfirmed commitments, the fact that he was always late and never available. I could go on and on and on… But I won’t torture you simply because I tortured myself.
There were even more obvious signs that I’ll keep close to myself. They were all there. Staring at me in the face. Teasing me to investigate. But because we were planning a wedding and there was so much noise around the event, I was totally distracted. He had chosen me. He had bought me the ring of my dreams. He was giving up all women for ME. Slap me in the face and call me Susan! How did I miss the boat? Well. We’re getting to the point now. And it’s not that you should vehemently distrust men who hate lilac – surprisingly. The point is that a whole lot of noise can pull your focus away from little things with massive meaning. It happens to us in work and in our social lives every day.
This week, as you throw all your energy into that massive proposal, remember to check up on the progress of your existing clients, realise that the details count, and if you’re getting little red flags, give them the attention they deserve. Don’t be so focussed on chasing the big prize that you lose all the little gifts along the journey.
And secondly, your future partner is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. They influence everything – from where you live, to your job, to how you spend your time and your family structure. They significantly influence your overall happiness. I’m not suggesting that you become suspicious of everything about your partner (please – don’t!) but I’m boldly stating that you shouldn’t overlook anything that makes you intensely uncomfortable just because it seems small and insignificant in the bigger picture. And, just to be safe, if he hates lilac, run (he’s probably my ex!)
Let’s keep walking together this week. Let’s learn the lessons. Let’s heel up and heal more with every step. Have a wonderful week.
Cheers,
Jo
Don't forget to LIKE our FaceBook page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heelers/193781660675079
And if you really, really like us – send us out across your Social Networking Links – just click the appropriate icon below.
