Which heels?

Hello High Heelers,

Decisions, decisions. Decisions are funny things. Some are so simple to make, like whether to wear jeans on a chilly day, or a frivolous frock. Others are really hard, like leaving the precious partner you adore but know is not destined to share forever with you, or ending a stable career to chase a dream that will undoubtedly lead to uncertainly and instability. I don’t know about you, but my world has recently been loaded with difficult decisions and my friends have also been sending conundrum after conundrum from every direction, looking for sound advice. It feels as though people around me are suddenly searching for a greater level of happiness and meaning. The age old (clichéd) question is popping up all over the place – what is the meaning of life? Indeed, what is it?

Well, as Douglas Adams wrote in ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’, that the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is 42. Uh, ok. 42 what? As matter-of-factly silly as this answer is, perhaps that’s the point. We spend so much time overthinking things – I am definitely guilty in this area. You know, perhaps decisions and answers are far simpler than we realise. Just maybe, we need to start cutting out the noise, the clutter, the fear and the ‘can’ts’ and start focussing on the actual question. I’m not saying ignore the risk – if you step into a fire, you’re going to burn (I promise!) What I am saying though, is that we often spend so much time creating reasons for not doing the hard thing that we know is right, instead of looking at the reasons why we should go ahead and take a calculated risk. Note: calculated risk.

My favourite poem of all time is Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken’. That Mr. Frost was a clever guy. It reminds me that the right decision for you, isn’t always the accepted choice (what others would do), and that it will usually come with uncertainty and a good measure of angst. But for the most part, when you take the road not taken, it will make all the difference. What a wonderful word that is ‘difference.’ We all want to make a difference, right? We want to find the thing we can do that will make the world a better place than we found it. But so often we get side-tracked from discovering our purpose, by a million feelings of inadequacy, heaps of insecurity and a good measure of lack of faith in ourselves. We become our own barrier to a life filled with more meaning and greater purpose.

This week one of my besties started a training course that will lead her career in a completely different direction. She’s been ignoring the desire to follow her heart for so long and eventually she ran into all the right opportunities. After day one, things are going swimmingly. She’s had all the affirmation she needs to confirm that she’s done the right thing – though the path will surely have some twists and turns along the way. Another special lady in my world left a lover that was not treating her properly. She put the fear aside, ignored the risk of ‘not being looked after’ anymore and jumped into singledom, head first. And guess what? She too is surviving. She may not be swimming yet, but she’s floating and hoping for a better day as everything she needs has slowly presented itself to her – in terms of work, a home, a stable circle of caring friends… and so it shall continue.

When you make the right decisions, your path opens up with a multitude of opportunities, though the journey isn’t necessarily going to be easy. Sure, some decisions are really hard to make. Often those are the ones that rub the back of your brain irritatingly, causing irritating little blisters that just won’t go away. You cannot ignore them. They are linked to your purpose. Your happiness. Your future. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. What’s meant to be will always find a way. But the action needs to come from you. You need to make it happen. You need to take the leap. It’s up to you to take what’s yours.

This week as we pull on our heels and step up to some tough decision making, let’s remember to be brave. You are stronger than you think. You are wiser than you know. And you’ll only realise your true potential when you step out of your comfort zone and into the place where you’re stretched to a new level of you.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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Genuine Painting

Hello High Heelers,

This weekend I had a serious ‘happily single’ moment when I left the DIY store with a tin of bright yellow paint, wood primer and the correct paint brushes needed to turn my outside bench from dull to delightful (I think I’ve been watching too many home improvement shows – even my language is a little too chirpy!) You see, this particular bench is the first thing that I excitedly purchased for ‘our new house’, prior to my wedding plans crumbling between the crumpled sheets of other women.

On finding said bench, mysteriously placed on my balcony early this year (normally people break into your house to steal things not to return them – further evidence of my backward life at the time). I left the unstolen item outside avoiding it and letting it wear down from the rain and harsh sun – as punishment somehow. But on standing on my balcony, post-emotional-rollercoaster, this weekend I realised that it’s not the bench’s fault. It’s a good bench with bad memories. So I decided to give it a fresh identity and a coat of delicious lemon paint. And guess what? I picked out the most insane shade I could possibly find without having to consult anyone for their consent. Yes! It’s called ‘Sunny Savannah’. And bright it is! It’s so striking that a random guy in line asked me if I was sure that I’d picked the right paint. I told him ‘yes’ and that I’d also picked the right relationship status to go with it. I then pouted and did a hair flip thing for effect – probably making him cherish his wife’s choice of neutral acrylics and mild temperaments.

Fortunately I had the good sense to place a ground sheet under the bench before I got stuck into my DIY deed for the day. Unfortunately, I brought it inside my home as it’s been rather rainy and moist outside over the past few weeks. A battle soon ensued. It was me against the primer.  And the paint won. The bench was merely collateral damage. First off, I struggled to open the stupid tin as it painted my once-perfectly manicured nails the wrong hue – eeuw! I had primer on my toes, clothes, face and elbows (and goodness knows where else it’ll turn up in the coming days). Yet, I didn’t manage to quite get it in all the right places on the bench. Sigh! I even have streaks in my hair that have refused to budge after three washes. Not to mention the speckled flecks of yellow on my academic books in my study.

However, I’m glad that I painted my bench. I’m thrilled that its part of my revived happy space and that it’ll leave past memories of ignorant bliss behind while creating fun-filled moments of Friday afternoon cocktails and high tea under the sun with my girlfriends. But I probably should have approached this task in a different way. You see, my best friend is clever. She is a set designer – as is her husband. They paint, hammer, build, draw, colour, climb up scaffolding, swing from chandeliers… you get the point. And they do it extraordinarily well. I don’t. I’m good at other stuff. When my friend needs cupcakes iced, she calls me. When she needs a chocolate-sharing comrade, she calls me. When she needs someone to pass tissues to her while watching a serious chick flick, she calls me. Basically, when she needs my expertise, she’s clever enough to use it. But not me. Nope. I think I’m brilliant enough to do anything. Ego check! Guess what. I’m a terrible painter. I’m also not good at hanging pictures. I’m completely incapable of reading maps and I have no sense of direction. And sometimes I have no sense of anything at all.

Now let’s make sense of all this. This week let’s think about what we’re actually good at and what we’re really not good at. Sometimes we have to tackle the things that are challenging for us – but often we don’t. Know your strengths and forgive yourself for your weaknesses. This week let’s step up and be great at being ourselves. Let’s be realistic about being terrible at being who we’re not. Let’s be honest. Let’s be genuine. Let’s be real. (I’ll be doing it in yellow). Have wonderful week.

Yours in heels,

Jo

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High on Advice

Hello High Heelers,

I recently found myself giving marriage advice to an acquaintance that I had just met. Isn’t it amazing how sometimes we end up passing tissues and dealing with awkward bursts of emotion from random strangers faster than we can shout ‘TMI’ (too much information). This is something that happens to High Heelers far more frequently than it happens to those flat-shoed ones. We are over-sharers and we want to fix all presented problems. We’re solution-istas. Fixing other people’s lives is as genetic as our obsession for 6 inch pumps and as common as ‘Days of our Lives.’

So what kind of advice did I give? Well, I must say, I did my very best. I put on my ‘all knowing toned’ voice of authority and I convinced myself and all present with my pearls of wisdom. I believe that I gave excellent advice. I listened to the problem and I dished out the best solution ever – on a silver platter. However, in retrospect, I recognise that I didn’t take a few things into consideration. Yep. Since I didn’t know the person very well, I discounted the history, the personality types being dealt with and the fact that there were children involved and how to manage these relationships. In fact, in all honesty, I probably should have kept my pearls around my neck and out of my mouth.

I have received all kinds of advice in my life. The good kinds and the bad. My grandmother used to always tell me ‘A man is no prize, my dear. You treat him well enough, but not so well that he becomes spoilt.’ Now we could go into a whole debate about the value of that message, but the important part I got from it is that women are valuable gifts themselves and that they should never compete or compromise who they are for a relationship. From that perspective, the advice was excellent. Had I taken the message that a partner is not to be held in high regard that would not have been very good counsel at all.

You see, advice is personal. Not only is it about saying the right thing, to the right person at the right time. But when in the receivers’ heels, it’s about interpreting others’ ideas in a way that brings meaning to you. My advice on advice is this: listen to all of it. If people take the time and care about you enough to share their experiences, listen. But take from it what is right for you and what suits your world. If it’s all nonsense then simply thank the speaker and move on. You don’t own what people speak into your life. You only own your own dreams and desires.

This week as you keep climbing, surround yourself with High Heelers who will add value through words, suggestions and kindness. I have my boss, Natalie Maroun, who adds massive value to my work experience. I have my best friends who know me well enough to guide me through big life choices. And I have my family to balance all the rest.

As we walk tall, let’s pick our advisors generously, our friends carefully, but our mentors with the greatest caution. Those who influence us with words, have the power to grow our destinies. 
Have a wonderful week.

Cheers,
Jo

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