Hello High Heelers,
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking this week. Really thinking. I mean, when you discover that your partner of 9 years was in long term relationships with 5 women while planning a wedding with you (yes, the number continues to climb), you realise that you’re just not seeing things the way they are. You’re seeing things the way you want to. When I take a moment and apply my mind, I realise that the signs were actually there all along, I just didn’t notice them, because I didn’t want to. I wanted to see bunny rabbits, fairy-tales and candyfloss. And that’s what I saw. I am the eternal optimist, why would I have seen anything else?
In my defence, the man was ‘wedding bonkers’. You hear about bridezilla – the girl who loses her mind before her wedding and creates all kinds of havoc in the lives of her friends and family. It doesn’t just happen in movies, it’s REAL. Well, my ex, was something of a ‘groomzilla’. He wanted the earliest date possible. He needed to be involved in all the decisions – from flowers to stationery, to my dress choice. No lilac was allowed. My dream of proteas and roses looked terrible. Absolutely no lilac. I was not to wear any red. Our venue had to be magnificent. Lilac was totally banned. The guest list had to be filled with the right people from the right places. Did I mention ‘no lilac’? He needed to oversee every detail. I’m not sure what the lilac was about – it could have something to do with the fact that it’s linked to the colour of a specific kind of frustration, which he clearly doesn’t suffer from!
Now while the dude was planning the wedding of the century – which nearly sent my father-of-the-bride to an early grave – he was also promising the sun, moon and stars to a list of unsuspecting lunatics. I was one of them. In fact, I was the lunar-zilla. The signs were so cliché I shudder when I think of them. I didn’t pay attention to the women’s perfume wafting off his shirts, the lipstick on the collar, the lip gloss his ‘sister’ left in his car, the fact that he was always broke after payday, the long pieces of brunette hair fished out of my bath (I’m VERY blonde), the glitter left on his face (which was often there), the violent way he protected his phone, the many times he missed my calls, the unconfirmed commitments, the fact that he was always late and never available. I could go on and on and on… But I won’t torture you simply because I tortured myself.
There were even more obvious signs that I’ll keep close to myself. They were all there. Staring at me in the face. Teasing me to investigate. But because we were planning a wedding and there was so much noise around the event, I was totally distracted. He had chosen me. He had bought me the ring of my dreams. He was giving up all women for ME. Slap me in the face and call me Susan! How did I miss the boat? Well. We’re getting to the point now. And it’s not that you should vehemently distrust men who hate lilac – surprisingly. The point is that a whole lot of noise can pull your focus away from little things with massive meaning. It happens to us in work and in our social lives every day.
This week, as you throw all your energy into that massive proposal, remember to check up on the progress of your existing clients, realise that the details count, and if you’re getting little red flags, give them the attention they deserve. Don’t be so focussed on chasing the big prize that you lose all the little gifts along the journey.
And secondly, your future partner is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. They influence everything – from where you live, to your job, to how you spend your time and your family structure. They significantly influence your overall happiness. I’m not suggesting that you become suspicious of everything about your partner (please – don’t!) but I’m boldly stating that you shouldn’t overlook anything that makes you intensely uncomfortable just because it seems small and insignificant in the bigger picture. And, just to be safe, if he hates lilac, run (he’s probably my ex!)
Let’s keep walking together this week. Let’s learn the lessons. Let’s heel up and heal more with every step. Have a wonderful week.
Cheers,
Jo
Don't forget to LIKE our FaceBook page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heelers/193781660675079
And if you really, really like us – send us out across your Social Networking Links – just click the appropriate icon below.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking this week. Really thinking. I mean, when you discover that your partner of 9 years was in long term relationships with 5 women while planning a wedding with you (yes, the number continues to climb), you realise that you’re just not seeing things the way they are. You’re seeing things the way you want to. When I take a moment and apply my mind, I realise that the signs were actually there all along, I just didn’t notice them, because I didn’t want to. I wanted to see bunny rabbits, fairy-tales and candyfloss. And that’s what I saw. I am the eternal optimist, why would I have seen anything else?
In my defence, the man was ‘wedding bonkers’. You hear about bridezilla – the girl who loses her mind before her wedding and creates all kinds of havoc in the lives of her friends and family. It doesn’t just happen in movies, it’s REAL. Well, my ex, was something of a ‘groomzilla’. He wanted the earliest date possible. He needed to be involved in all the decisions – from flowers to stationery, to my dress choice. No lilac was allowed. My dream of proteas and roses looked terrible. Absolutely no lilac. I was not to wear any red. Our venue had to be magnificent. Lilac was totally banned. The guest list had to be filled with the right people from the right places. Did I mention ‘no lilac’? He needed to oversee every detail. I’m not sure what the lilac was about – it could have something to do with the fact that it’s linked to the colour of a specific kind of frustration, which he clearly doesn’t suffer from!
Now while the dude was planning the wedding of the century – which nearly sent my father-of-the-bride to an early grave – he was also promising the sun, moon and stars to a list of unsuspecting lunatics. I was one of them. In fact, I was the lunar-zilla. The signs were so cliché I shudder when I think of them. I didn’t pay attention to the women’s perfume wafting off his shirts, the lipstick on the collar, the lip gloss his ‘sister’ left in his car, the fact that he was always broke after payday, the long pieces of brunette hair fished out of my bath (I’m VERY blonde), the glitter left on his face (which was often there), the violent way he protected his phone, the many times he missed my calls, the unconfirmed commitments, the fact that he was always late and never available. I could go on and on and on… But I won’t torture you simply because I tortured myself.
There were even more obvious signs that I’ll keep close to myself. They were all there. Staring at me in the face. Teasing me to investigate. But because we were planning a wedding and there was so much noise around the event, I was totally distracted. He had chosen me. He had bought me the ring of my dreams. He was giving up all women for ME. Slap me in the face and call me Susan! How did I miss the boat? Well. We’re getting to the point now. And it’s not that you should vehemently distrust men who hate lilac – surprisingly. The point is that a whole lot of noise can pull your focus away from little things with massive meaning. It happens to us in work and in our social lives every day.
This week, as you throw all your energy into that massive proposal, remember to check up on the progress of your existing clients, realise that the details count, and if you’re getting little red flags, give them the attention they deserve. Don’t be so focussed on chasing the big prize that you lose all the little gifts along the journey.
And secondly, your future partner is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. They influence everything – from where you live, to your job, to how you spend your time and your family structure. They significantly influence your overall happiness. I’m not suggesting that you become suspicious of everything about your partner (please – don’t!) but I’m boldly stating that you shouldn’t overlook anything that makes you intensely uncomfortable just because it seems small and insignificant in the bigger picture. And, just to be safe, if he hates lilac, run (he’s probably my ex!)
Let’s keep walking together this week. Let’s learn the lessons. Let’s heel up and heal more with every step. Have a wonderful week.
Cheers,
Jo
Don't forget to LIKE our FaceBook page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heelers/193781660675079
And if you really, really like us – send us out across your Social Networking Links – just click the appropriate icon below.
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