A little crisis

Hello High Heelers,

I think I’m experiencing early onset midlife crisis. The female version. To which there seems to be no cure, or magic pill. Nope. I think men definitely get the better deal with these crises thingys – they run out and buy Ferraris, date younger women and experience a new level of enlightenment (which is clearly a side-effect of having a hot car and a sizzling lady). And here I am, stuck in the confines of my cluttered brain, without the sports car, toyboy or a renewed sense of freedom and self. And, really, I’m not even middle-aged. How is this fair? Not only am I having a crisis – but it’s an unmitigated disaster of one too.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling really lost lately. And I don’t mean physically lost – though I do that pretty frequently too (I got lost in my own home town recently and still have the incriminating evidence to prove it). Seriously. I’ve been wondering if the world had to stop spinning for a moment and I fell off it (which I doubt would be very graceful), if it would really have any impact on anything – any gravity, so to speak. Does my contribution to humanity have any meaning beyond my own little sphere of friends, family and colleagues? And if not, does it really matter?

Purpose is a funny thing. It can be very elusive at times – well, to be fair, all the time. Just when you start feeling a sense of meaning and understanding, you hit your next obstacle that makes you wonder if you’re really on the right track. If things are right, aren’t they meant to be easy? I spent a whole decade of my youth building a ‘meaningful’ future that would later fall through my fingers like ‘sand through the hourglass’ (with even more drama than the soapie Days of Our Lives). I thought I was happy. I thought it was right. I was wrong. Where did all that go? And why did it all amount to nothing? I’m becoming to realise that there isn’t really a track, a path, or even a destination. As my future continues to reveal itself, it seems to be showing me a series of random adventures that intersect – or don’t – in the strangest ways. I often wonder if wandering is the new norm and if there will ever be a sense of security and comfort. For someone who likes direction and certainty, I am very unhappy about all this. But yet, in some inexplicable way, it makes sense.

Recently while chatting to a close friend and colleague, she said something so simple but so profound, I haven’t been able to forget it. She said: “When you come through a difficult time that felt unnecessary and painful, you can usually turn around from the other side and look back in the realisation that everything you experienced was exactly what you needed to. And where you are in your moment of ‘getting through’ is exactly where you’re meant to be.” It sounded a little silly when she said it. But it stuck to my brain more securely than pink chewing gum to a new white shoe. I mean, come on! Why would I have ‘needed’ to experience everything I held dear falling apart? Until it really sunk in. I know why. It all fell apart to make way for new things, new dreams, new adventures that are even more important and meaningful than the ones I thought I was meant to live. Average things fall apart, so that amazing things can fall together.

Now in this ah-hah moment am I feeling a better sense of stability? No! I still feel completely lost, unstable and rather shaky in my stilettos. But what I’m learning every day is that it’s ok. It’s ok to be a little broken as long as you know it and understand how it affects you. It’s ok to be a little dazed, if you can see the right things clearly. It’s ok to be a little lost as it gives you something to search for. You know, sometimes in getting lost, you actually find yourself. Sometimes in running away you discover your home. Sometimes in pulling yourself apart you find a better way to put the pieces back together. Sometimes. Well. All the time. Tough things happen so that we can be a little stronger, more resilient, more enlightened and more prepared for greater things. I believe this is my truth. And if you’re going through something hard – I believe it is yours too.

Know that through overcoming you open tomorrow up with a new page. You can fill it with whatever you want to. May I suggest that you don’t let others write your story? It’s yours. Find your own tone. Find your own style. Find your own voice. It doesn’t matter what it sounds like. It only matters that it’s yours. Use it.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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Which heels?

Hello High Heelers,

Decisions, decisions. Decisions are funny things. Some are so simple to make, like whether to wear jeans on a chilly day, or a frivolous frock. Others are really hard, like leaving the precious partner you adore but know is not destined to share forever with you, or ending a stable career to chase a dream that will undoubtedly lead to uncertainly and instability. I don’t know about you, but my world has recently been loaded with difficult decisions and my friends have also been sending conundrum after conundrum from every direction, looking for sound advice. It feels as though people around me are suddenly searching for a greater level of happiness and meaning. The age old (clichéd) question is popping up all over the place – what is the meaning of life? Indeed, what is it?

Well, as Douglas Adams wrote in ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’, that the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is 42. Uh, ok. 42 what? As matter-of-factly silly as this answer is, perhaps that’s the point. We spend so much time overthinking things – I am definitely guilty in this area. You know, perhaps decisions and answers are far simpler than we realise. Just maybe, we need to start cutting out the noise, the clutter, the fear and the ‘can’ts’ and start focussing on the actual question. I’m not saying ignore the risk – if you step into a fire, you’re going to burn (I promise!) What I am saying though, is that we often spend so much time creating reasons for not doing the hard thing that we know is right, instead of looking at the reasons why we should go ahead and take a calculated risk. Note: calculated risk.

My favourite poem of all time is Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken’. That Mr. Frost was a clever guy. It reminds me that the right decision for you, isn’t always the accepted choice (what others would do), and that it will usually come with uncertainty and a good measure of angst. But for the most part, when you take the road not taken, it will make all the difference. What a wonderful word that is ‘difference.’ We all want to make a difference, right? We want to find the thing we can do that will make the world a better place than we found it. But so often we get side-tracked from discovering our purpose, by a million feelings of inadequacy, heaps of insecurity and a good measure of lack of faith in ourselves. We become our own barrier to a life filled with more meaning and greater purpose.

This week one of my besties started a training course that will lead her career in a completely different direction. She’s been ignoring the desire to follow her heart for so long and eventually she ran into all the right opportunities. After day one, things are going swimmingly. She’s had all the affirmation she needs to confirm that she’s done the right thing – though the path will surely have some twists and turns along the way. Another special lady in my world left a lover that was not treating her properly. She put the fear aside, ignored the risk of ‘not being looked after’ anymore and jumped into singledom, head first. And guess what? She too is surviving. She may not be swimming yet, but she’s floating and hoping for a better day as everything she needs has slowly presented itself to her – in terms of work, a home, a stable circle of caring friends… and so it shall continue.

When you make the right decisions, your path opens up with a multitude of opportunities, though the journey isn’t necessarily going to be easy. Sure, some decisions are really hard to make. Often those are the ones that rub the back of your brain irritatingly, causing irritating little blisters that just won’t go away. You cannot ignore them. They are linked to your purpose. Your happiness. Your future. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. What’s meant to be will always find a way. But the action needs to come from you. You need to make it happen. You need to take the leap. It’s up to you to take what’s yours.

This week as we pull on our heels and step up to some tough decision making, let’s remember to be brave. You are stronger than you think. You are wiser than you know. And you’ll only realise your true potential when you step out of your comfort zone and into the place where you’re stretched to a new level of you.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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