Hello High Heelers,
I’m in a state of shock. I’m sure you’ve all been there. When you realise that things aren’t as you thought they were and that not all people live up to expectations that match your values and your moral standing. Someone I know, who I studied with at varsity, who has achieved a lot in his youth and who I respect deeply, has been publically embarrassed and his reputation shattered over alleged rapes. See the use of plural there? Not just one. Many. So many that my mind boggled as I read the numerous accounts in the paper. There have been lists drawn up. Shots fired (mostly by the press – though I must say, they aim well!). There’s been a very open condemnation. If he’s innocent then there will be a long road of mending ahead. If he’s not, then he’ll be reaping the results of his actions.
Allegations and truth aside, we will always be baffled by the actions of people we think we know. Gosh – I’m sure we all surprise ourselves at times. I certainly remember a few facepalm moments thinking ‘what the hell was I thinking?’ But then again, I’ve never raped. Or murdered. Or stolen. Or broken any major laws. But I have broken laws. I partied underage, I’ve ignored speed limits and direct orders – most of us have. I know that’s different, but does it afford me a moral high ground? Many people believe that to cross basic human boundaries takes a certain level of disregard for humanity and perhaps even a dollop of narcissism. The reality is that many people have been assaulted (in my world, it’s at least 33%) and that means that many people have been assailants (we’re probably also looking at, at least a whopping 33%). That pretty much means we are probably all connected to people who have done some really awful things during their time on earth. That means we’ll probably be doing a lot of judging as we uncover the terrible things that the people we know have done. That’s what people do right? We see the sensationalist stories, we believe the perspective presented, we condemn people and we feel grateful that they’re not our sons, our daughters, our siblings, our husbands, our wives…. we forget that they are someone’s.
I personally know a lot of people who have done awful things. Really, truly, despicable, horrible things. In fact, I spent the best year of my life (though I know I have better years coming – watch this space!) teaching in a prison over weekends. I headed up a group of ten inmates. Murderers. Thieves. Rapists. Women abusers. All men. With no supervision. People often ask me if I was scared – I wasn’t. They are some of the most beautiful men I have ever met. That revelation usually ignites surprise and even anger. It did in me to begin with. But when I spent more time with my prisoners I began to no longer see them for things they’ve done, I began to view them for the people they are. Shocking? Maybe. In all honesty I went into prison teaching, with the expectation of meeting ‘bad people’ so when I formed eternal friendships with a group of the most enlightened, aware, kind, caring and honest men I’ve known, that was a surprise beyond comprehension. My friends and family thought I was mad – until they crossed the (judgement) line and met my students. The world judges them in there. I started off judging them in there. And I would guess that the world continues to judge them today as they continue their journey of mending their homes, their families and their communities. We like to judge.
The truth that I learnt when I was teaching that group of broken boys who grew into beautiful men (and while they were teaching me to be a whole, open-minded woman) is that we are not what we’ve done, what we’ve thought or what we’re about to do. People make mistakes. We are not our mistakes. Sometimes we make enormous mistakes that we will spend a lifetime paying for – and fairly so. What we are is what we admit to, what we’re willing to work on and what we constantly try to improve. We are what we forgive. We are what we heal from. We are what we’re strong enough to accept, overcome and survive through.
As the media continues to splash violent stories across our screens, let’s recognise the importance of highlighting social issues that are completely unacceptable and that must be brought to the forefront and discussed. But let’s remember to be human. To be compassionate. To not judge – especially when the facts are not all in yet. Let’s remember that we too, are on a journey of trying to be better at being ourselves. We may not all be psychopaths, rapists and murderers (let’s hope not) but none of us are as close to as perfect as we wish we were. Let’s also be cognisant of the fact that who we walk with on that journey matters, because they may influence our thoughts, our steps and our direction. But let’s be open to meeting many, hearing different perspectives and understanding that we’re not always right.
This week let’s realise that the only ‘right’ we have and are, is the path we choose to walk. So jump off your soap box and choose some great heels to go with that direction! Have a wonderful week.
Yours in heels,
Jo
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