These heels were made for walking

Hello High Heelers,

As you all know, I was previously engaged, and have been re-placing my feet in my heels since I became a single gal at the end of last year. It started off with a lot of tripping, falling on my face and sobbing mascara-raccoon-eyes. Red was the colour of my mood – rather than the hue of my lipstick. Messy hair became my lazy way of letting the world know I was angry (I know – rebellious!) and eating ice-cream for dinner ‘a la Bridget Jones’ was the norm for a few months – as was piling on the kilos (those evil things really do sneak up on your when you feel your worst!). While I was in it, I called that phase of my life ‘indulgence’ but it was really quite the opposite of that. It was falling apart so I could step up again. Not pretty. But necessary. So now I call it ‘finding the foundation’ (and I don’t mean the kind you smear on your face).

Being on my own has been a journey of learning to love myself as an individual again. It’s been about becoming comfortable in the quiet times. It has been a great, big, beautiful gift in many ways. What a privilege it’s been to feel so low that the only direction I could go was up. Introspection and self-knowledge became the evening pastime as I switched off the TV and spent time listening to the conversations in my head. After time, I was comfortable enough to just be with me and even managed to gain some control over the conversations happening in my brain. As I called myself ‘useless’, ‘stupid’, ‘broken’, ‘not good enough’ I began to silence the voice of insecurity and started speaking louder with my voice of joy, happiness and wholeness.

I think about who I was just a year ago and I can’t believe that I was actually that person. I am so much better now. I’m stronger. I’m wiser. I’m more adaptable. More understanding. More empathetic. And just plain better. In the relationship I’d become an ‘us’. I never made my own decisions. I didn’t go where I wanted to go. I was hindered by having to consult someone else on every decision I made and that someone else never put me or my dreams first. As a result I shut up my voice of destiny that had previously been talking me through the most wonderful adventures. I became a cold, lonely ‘us’.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that being alone is the best way to be. No! I’d be delighted to be blessed one day with a partner that adds to my life and allows me to be a better me through living my dreams. I’m saying that when you’re in a situation when you shut down your inner voice, and you focus on someone else’s needs and that person isn’t putting you first – you’re probably in a bad place. That doesn’t just go for romantic relationships. It stands in the workplace – my boss, Natalie Maroun encourages me to develop my passion and embrace my dreams. It stands in your friendship circle, where friends driven by jealousy could be holding you back. It stands in your family, where an overprotective family member could be subconsciously (or consciously) making you to let go of your dreams – encouraging you to be fearful of who you could be.

This week’s message is this – people have influence over you, and you have influence over them. Be congnisant of others and make sure you understand their role in your life. If people are breaking instead of building you, you need to reconsider how important that relationship is to you. And most importantly, be certain that you are not that negative force speaking into someone else’s life. Don’t tell your boyfriend not to skydive because you’re afraid of heights. Don’t tell your daughter that she’ll never make a good engineer because she’s too feminine and you have different dreams for her. Don’t limit people. Don’t limit yourself. Do realise that the sky is not the limit, there is no limit. If you have dreams, you must reach for them and you must help others reach for theirs too.

As I pull on my heels this week I feel an amazing sense of comfort knowing who I am again. If you’re going through cutting negative ties, don’t take your time, take action. Trust me – I know how hard it is! Let yourself out into the world with purpose. You are too unique and special to be held back by someone else’s fears. Step up with me and step into your new journey. Let’s go! Let’s walk together.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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