High time

Hello High Heelers,

I pulled one of my most silly dizzy, blonde manoeuvres today, yep. I battled my way through the wonderfully busy Joburg traffic early this morning (well, early for me), singing loudly to enforce positivity around what is bound to be one of the busiest, most stressful weeks of the year. I waltzed through the parking lot (in heels), and towards my office ready to conquer the day. On stepping through my office doors I realised that I’d left my laptop at home – as you do when you have a mountain of work to do and not enough time to do it in. So back to my car I ventured, tail between my legs, ready to attack rush hour traffic again headed back home and then again, of course, back to the office (sigh). Idiot! To make things worse, I also managed to leave my healthy, packed lunch at home (yes, after going back to fetch said laptop), which meant venturing out, uh-huh again, to find healthy snacks. By midmorning I’d spent much of the day handling my lack of brain functioning and wasting time. The annoying thing about time, is that you can’t pause it, and even worse, you can’t get it back. But the most seriously irritating thing about time is that you never have enough.

You know, I had an interesting discussion with one of my besties recently. She was talking about the time investments we make in friendships and how she’s only willing to put in the effort if she knows she’s investing in something long-term. I completely get her point, given the nature of time, however my view is a little different. I have a circle of incredibly close friends who are part of my family, part of my heart, part of my being. I don’t have to see them often, in fact sometimes we don’t speak for months. But, without them there would be empty gaps in my being. I know this because I lost my closest friend to bi-polar disorder and a handful of pills, 7 years ago. Losing her felt like losing a limb. A huge part of me was missing and always will be. People that are part of you can never be replaced. You’ll never forget their smile, the way their voice inflicts when they share words of kindness in your special language (in which they are fluent) or the feeling of their distinctive, tender embrace. The greatest sadness is that you’ll never share what’s coming with them – the excitement of falling in love with your future, the joy of children, of dreams reached, of a life lived in full. They just won’t be there. They aren’t there. And there’s nothing fair about it.

So, yes, I agree that some people are worthy of more time, care, attention and essentially investment, in our lives. I don’t think we should ever give of ourselves to people who simply take and never return the same level and depth of friendship. But I’m also one for appreciating the people that pass through my life for a moment, a breath, to teach a lesson, to uncover a new angle, to share an experience, or simply to make me smile. I had one of those moments last week. I was in the technology store (trying to maintain a sense of wellbeing amongst all the scary gadgets). As I was learning about the Bluetooth connectivity functioning of my new keyboard for my tablet (so I can write posts more remotely – yay!) I heard a girl behind me chatting to her colleague about her recent break-up. They were together 9 years, engaged for 6 months, were planning their wedding, had broken up in early December, they’d just sold their shared home, she was devastated and so the story went on and on. It was like listening to a tale from a parallel universe.

I turned around and gave her the best gift I have to offer right now – a piece of my healing. I took time out to share what I went through over my 9 years of unnecessary difficulty. I shared that these things never make sense in the short-term but that in a year there will be deeper clarity, great lessons learnt and a book of reasons detailing why she needed to go through what she went through. I shared my truth. That I was in something deeply toxic for a long time that broke me on so many levels and shattered my dreams, but that I wouldn’t give it back given the opportunity. The experience has offered me deep personal insights, it’s delivered amazing courage that I didn’t know I had, it’s levelled my skewed idealism in a healthy way and it’s taught me what love is supposed to look like.

I used to think that life was a journey of becoming (who you want to be, who you should be, who you are) but I’m beginning to believe that it’s actually a journey of overcoming. How we react to what we go through is a thousand times more important than what we actually go through, in my view. My lesson this week is that without affording our experiences the time they need to reveal ourselves to us (that makes sense – I promise), we lose the impact. Often that includes connecting with people for a moment in time, to gain a piece of understanding in the puzzle that is ours to build and shape. For my moment last week, I offered hope to a girl in my shoes (cute ones, I might add) and was rewarded back with a snapshot of how I looked a year ago, revealing how far I have travelled on this journey – what a blessing! In the advert of my life, it was like looking at the ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures.

So this week, as you rush about, remember to listen to those around you. Don’t intrude on intimate conversations that are not yours to share, but follow your intuition and be available where your value will be treasured. Take time to be your own friend. Take time to understand where you’re at. Take time to build your dreams. Whatever your limitations are – just take the time… just like I’ve created the time to write this post.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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