Don’t be nice, be safe

Hello High Heelers,

I am just crazy about crime scene TV shows. When no one’s looking I shut myself up in my house and watch back-to-back episodes of CSI (Las Vegas, Miami and New York). I sing along with the cheesy music and even have a dance routine to the Miami soundtrack – it’s so hot! CSI is one of my best ‘time killing’, guilty pleasures. I also got hooked on the Crime and Investigation Channel about a year ago, however, after three months of watching it (almost exclusively) I began to believe that everyone in my life was out to murder me. I was especially convinced that my ex was planning to stab me to death with a bread knife and that I had to change my door locks – a little insane perhaps, but you never know!

The exciting world of murder mysteries drew a little nearer a few weeks back while I was in Oz. A 29-year-old Irish lady was raped, murdered and buried in a shallow grave by a family man with a reasonable reputation in his community. I watched day-by-day as police began to unravel the case, uncovering more clues by the hour and finally finding her body and her killer after a week of searching. Footage of her walking down the street in Melbourne and meeting the stranger who would terminate her future, was played over and over on the news. CCTV in a bridal store had ‘caught’ her final known moments. Watching the live story made it so much more real and rather terrifying. What stood out in the footage is that she looked rather uncomfortable when the man approached – she stepped back and looked behind her reluctantly. Yet after a few words from the suspect, she began to follow him up the street and off camera. It’s as though her gut initially screamed ‘NO’ but the nice girl in her overrode her intuition and lead her into a very sinister situation. What a tough price to pay for being nice.

Then just last week, I really lost interest in crime dramas and dramatised true stories after a friend was attacked in her home by two men who were there to inflict very serious harm. Unlike the Irish girl, her gut went straight into ‘danger mode’ (since the guys were immediately violent towards her) and she fought for her life, managing to injure her attackers so much that they fled with little more than her cellphone and some decent injuries from being beaten with her butler’s tray and bitten. Sadly, they managed to put her in hospital with bruises and fractures that will take a while to heal and emotional wounds that will be on the mend for far longer. She got away with her life, and her dignity as a woman, from not being a traditional woman at all – she fought dirty!

These are terrible stories. They really are. And I have a few from my own past where I picked my ‘nice gene’ over my ‘gut feel’ which was so terribly unwise. Fortunately for me, I escaped relatively unscathed, though recovering from having a gun at my head and my life threatened has been a journey of fragile healing and deep understanding. You never fully recover from being introduced to evil violence. There’s a deep sense of fear exposed in those moments that once revealed, can never be fully resealed. You lose trust in humanity and you lose a sense of security.

Having said all that, people are wonderful – insightful, genius, loving, kind, endearing, helpful, unique… expect them to be that, always. But also be aware there are people who are not. I believe that the group of ‘bad people’ is minuscule in comparison, but the devastation of their actions draws great attention and has permanent effects. We were all given a gut… call it intuition, name it wisdom, title it whatever you must – but recognise that you have it and listen to it. It can save your life.

Now please understand that I’m not spreading a message of fear. We should all feel safe and we must live our lives to the fullest – experiencing all the joys and mysteries of life. But do keep your gut close at heart and listen to that voice in your head – especially when it screams ‘STOP’. You were designed with it for a reason – as you jerk your hand from the fire when your sensory system registers ‘hot pain’, yank yourself out of any circumstance where your brain registers ‘unsafe’ or ‘fear’. You have the right to survive above your conditioning to be polite. You have the right to protect yourself – without exception.

This week let’s stand together and celebrate those who have lived to tell their tough stories and those who have fallen tragically. Let’s walk in solidarity recognising the strength it takes to fight our social conditioning and to fight for our lives in a strength worthy of great High Heelers. We were designed to survive and we are strongest when we walk together.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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