Getting through

Hello High Heelers,

I am still reeling in emotion and deep thought after a company visit to the Apartheid Museum last week. No matter where you live, what culture defines you, your religious choices or your gender, we have all had moments where we have stood up for who we are, our history and the future we wish to create. In doing so, we’ve shown loyalty, pride and a solid sense of identity and belonging. But when it comes to being South African and having lived through a fundamental shift in our societal structure, politics and the dominating belief system, we have had hard lessons to learn and we’ve experienced more than a mind shift – we’ve experienced something of a mind explosion. Yet here we are, striding (many of us in heels!) towards a very bright future, where there is equality, unity and respect.

I found myself sobbing through many tissues while wandering around the museum. Sure, the exhibitions and the artefacts are poignant, a reminder of a past riddled with fear, inequality, hatred and violence. The video footage is powerful, brutal and honest in a way that slaps you sideways and makes you feel deep empathy for those who lost everything to allow us all to gain something so fundamentally natural – freedom. But I’d been to the museum many times before and had not been so severely moved. Somehow this trip was different. It took me a while to really dig into my heart and head to figure it out.

Every time I’ve been through this journey of our past, I’ve learnt from the presented items in a historical sense. I heard the stories and placed the pieces together that were absent from my education and experience growing up. This time, the items didn’t tell me the story of our past, they reminded me of my own personal struggles and hurtful experiences I’ve been through over the years. You see, when we’ve been privileged to be spared the suffering that many others endured, there comes with that a sense of guilt. The questions remain: why was I not hurt? Why am I privileged? How is it fair? Why me? That very healthy, but very scary question – why? In my case, this all led to me not allowing myself to feel hurt or go through healing after experiencing harsh times because I’ve been so ‘lucky’.

I don’t mean to badmouth the beautiful place that is my home, but like so many on this journey to the rainbow, I have been through violence and have learnt the true meaning of sheer, crippling terror. The good news is that this kind of thing is on the decline, but the bad news is that it remains in many of us after the incident. It keeps us up at night and it clouds us with fear. What I realised on my journey through our past this time, is that what we went through was a tragedy, where we are is a miracle and where we’re going is something we now have the power to shape and mould.

But before we can truly contribute to that journey, we need to heal from our past. We cannot take the pain of yesterday into a bright tomorrow. We cannot carry our burdens forever, they will slow us down. If we’re to succeed, to really truly succeed, we need to let go of all of that. In my case, it means reflecting on where I am and why I’m there, gaining insight and healing in the area of being a victim and having witnessed violence and trauma. It means dropping off all the negativity to make space for so much more.

The poet, Robert Frost, was really onto something when he wrote “The best way out is always through.” That’s the challenge. That’s our journey. That’s where true freedom lies. To move forward we need to let go of whatever is holding us back. We need to get through it. Sometimes our own perceptions and self-image can be the burden. In other cases it’s experiences. And far too often, it’s people. Whatever it is, call it, name it and drop it.

This week may I challenge you to look at what you’re not getting through, pull on your heels (or fabulous flatties) and start dealing with it? I believe that on the other side of healing is a place where we can all stand tall, walk tall and be our best for ourselves and for the world. Let’s start getting through. Join me on the journey and have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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