Hello High Heelers,
I was so ill yesterday that I was in a coma. Really I was. I could not move for love or money. Though if you’d offered me a pair of Jimmy Choos to walk to the coffee spot down the road for a caffeine fix, I probably would have done it – provided I’d had transport back and the prize was waiting for me at my front door, in the correct size. Somewhere in the middle of the day I opened my eyes long enough to start writing my eulogy in my head. It went like this: “She lived. She died. She was single and is survived by her solitary, wooden cat, Fred, who has technically been deadwood since his invention.”
Now that’s not a very pretty eulogy. Not that you ever get really pretty eulogies – death is sad, even when it’s after a long, prosperous and generous life. But I just felt a little lonely, a little pathetic. Which made me start thinking about why the absence of the titles ‘mother’ and ‘wife’ (the traditional, expected female roles) mean so much – particularly in a eulogy. You know, when we meet new people we introduce ourselves according to our occupations and our family relationships. For example, at a dinner with my sister-in-law’s family, she’d introduce me like this – “This is Jo, she’s Richard’s younger sister, though she behaves like an eighteen-year-old and could be his niece. She’s actually reasonably clever and is a marketing & brand manager and aspirant novelist who enjoys writing the occasional blog.” Then I’d shake hands and everyone would know exactly who I am – or would they?
We actually don’t do ourselves justice with the role-naming that we do. Yes, the word ‘mother’ conjures up all sorts of meanings – carer, self-sacrificing, teacher, etc. It alludes to the fact that the person in question has plastered bleeding cuts, kissed broken hearts and has stayed up all hours with a sick child, wiping sweat and cleaning vomit. The vomit part makes me wonder if I’ll ever want that title! But the word ‘mother’ doesn’t in the slightest way indicate that you’ve taught young people, beyond your own, to see, to have vision and to know that they can do anything. Not all mothers do that. But those who do, are extraordinary. Am I a mother – no. But have I been involved in growing, developing and nurturing young people in a self-sacrificing and caring way without any desire for reciprocation or appreciation other than to see them succeed – yes! (Promise, I have.)
As I think some more, I realise that I am more than a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a marketing manager and a writer. I am someone who is dedicated to making my difference in the world, in my unique way. And so I begin to think about how I would rewrite that awful eulogy and I think about how I am going to introduce my special friends, awesome family and amazing boss, Natalie Maroun, to people in future, without turning them into impersonal titles and roles.
Let’s remember that we are not defined by our roles, this week. We’re defined by the lives we touch and by the difference we make – no matter how big or small. You are not a secretary, a cleaner, a bar lady, a model, a lawyer or a CEO. You are a person of deep meaning and value. Does anyone really remember what Ghandi’s job title was? Possibly the history enthusiasts! Let’s learn something this week. Let’s create a legacy and be remembered for our impact and not for our titles.
Have a wonderful week.
Yours in heels,
Jo
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