Lying on

Hello High Heelers,

This weekend I watched a really intriguing movie that had me at the edge of my seat (well, at the edge of my couch, in truth) ‘tsk tsk’-ing at the silly people on the screen. It was one of those where you watch the main characters skip happily past a million red flags, disillusioned, into a calamitous and deeply painful situation – which is much like an awful head-on collision ‘accident’ (though there’s not much accidental about it). In these films, you’ll usually realise that the writer set up the narrative implying that those silly people were well aware of their self-created complexity ahead, and yet they continued forwards towards drama and catastrophe – on purpose. Sure. It was just a movie, but that stuff happens in real life too. We know what’s ahead, but we do the wrong thing anyway in blissful self-inflicted ignorance.

Now. Let’s not judge. We’ve all done it. And we’ve seen politicians, celebrities and royalty do it on the world stage numerous times for all the world to frown upon. Fortunately for most of us, our audience is somewhat smaller. In fact, often our audience consists of one – ourselves. Oh, I’m sure you know it as well as I do. For instance. Like on the day we realise that our favourite jeans were a whole lot more snug than we’d like, we promise ourselves that we’ve now converted to a life of wellbeing and are headed for ideal health, exercise and good food – and then we stop off for a pizza on the way home, bypassing the gym. Or another of the common ones (which seems to inspire the constant creation of heartfelt, annoyingly vocal songs), you know that person’s a heartbreaker, you know they won’t commit, they tell you they won’t commit and you find yourself three years down the line frustrated that there’s no commitment. And yet it’s a big surprise! The truth often is – that we know the truth but we try to convince ourselves otherwise. Often we live in the wonderful lala-land of self-deception.

Lying to ourselves is one of the most common, self-destructive things we do, in my view. One of Jodi Picoult’s character’s in Vanishing Acts says: “You can fool yourself, you know. You'd think it's impossible, but it turns out it's the easiest thing of all.” Indeed. It is. So maybe it’s time for us (I’m talking to myself here, mostly) to stop doing it. Don’t convince yourself that hanging out with that negative friend who always tears you down will be ok and that this meeting will probably be better than the last, because you don’t know how to tell them that you don’t have space for their negativity. Why do you leave the lunch date feeling like a failure when you promised yourself you wouldn’t? Stand up and be honest – starting with yourself. Admit that it’s not ok. Tell them that they cannot be so critical and if they continue, that they have no place in your circle. Then be honest with yourself by accepting the damage of their unkind words and choose to refuse to accept it.

You know, only you make your own choices. You live with your own consequences. No one can make us do anything we don’t really want to do, and no one can force us to feel a way we don’t allow ourselves to feel. Sure – when we dive deep into the subconscious we find that it can be more complex than that, but if we’re really honest with ourselves on a conscious level, that’s the simple reality. On the flip side, we make our own choices which open us to so many wonderful things – healing, adventure, success, greatness... So this week as I learn to stop deceiving myself about the tight trousers and the things that hurt me every time so are best left untouched, may I encourage you to also take your relationship with yourself to a new level of honesty? Let’s accept who we are, let’s see things how they are and let’s walk forwards with our eyes fully open. Let’s avoid head on collisions. Let’s avoid probable accidents.

As we do that, let’s fill our thoughts with choices that we wish to make true. Let’s choose to be happy. To be forgiving – of others and ourselves. Let’s realise that if we make poor choices and walk into tricky scenarios that we’re being unfair to ourselves. It takes a lot of lies to cover a lie. So let’s not pile them on ourselves. Let’s try to be truthful and allow the rest to fall into place.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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