Picky picky

Hello High Heelers,

“Your potential boyfriend’s an idiot, you should leave him. Forget I ever said that if you marry him,” crossed my ears today and made me giggle. In context, it was actually really sound advice. The dude in question, had really proven himself to be an unmitigated disaster of a possible life companion. And such is life. People really do let us down. But we should love anyway. Get broken and heal. It makes us tougher. Wiser. A little more in tune with what we should be looking for next time around.

You know recently I experienced someone I know well, talking behind her friend’s back, mentioning the poor decisions her friend had made and that she would have made far better choices in the same position. She, of course, had given her friend totally different advice from the content she was blabbing about to me. As the conversation progressed it became quite clear to me that some of our friends, who give the impression that they know us best and put our needs first, are actually not really friends at all. Either these people can’t remove themselves from their own perspective and see our issue from the angle we do. Or they’re wrapped up in layers of insecurity that they subconsciously go out hurting others as they search for some kind of coherence in their own lives.

At times we all surround ourselves with people, who despite all good intention, aren’t made to be the advisors and friends that we need, due to their own constrictions. But sometimes we really just pick badly. I’ve done it a million times before and will, no doubt, learn the lesson a few more times in future. Last weekend in the gym sauna I listened to four women jabbering on about a friend who married a man who was a complete imposter. He came into her life, took her money, used her to get funding for his business through the bank she worked at (using her contacts – obviously) and then left her with a sky-high stack of bills when he decided to reunite with his ex-wife. Now, this woman is apparently pretty wise when she’s not busy being deceived. She is a director at a top bank, after all. Anyone can be deceived by someone who is adamant to mislead them. Knowing that this really bright woman fell hook, line and sinker into such an awful trap, makes me feel a lot better about the unworthy people I’ve let into my life in times past – and that I’ve learnt really good lessons from.

This week as I reflect on the people around me – at work, at home and in my personal life, I feel blessed to know that they’re all on my team. The quote: "Show me your friends and I will show you your future" really does hold weighting in many ways. When we get counsel from people who are competitive, deceptive or have their own agenda, and we consider their advice, we’re moving in a direction that’s unlikely to be up.

You know, everyone will give you advice. Listen. Some of it will be appropriate to your situation. Some of it won’t. Some will be constructive. Some will be completely destructive. Some will just be outright ridiculous. Listen anyway. You’ll know who your true confidants are by the advice they give, how appropriate it seems and how angled to your wellbeing it is. But for goodness sake, don’t ever follow poor advice because it came from someone close to you, or because it came from someone you deem wise.

Choose your company carefully. Wise people add value. Healing people add meaning. Fun people add energy. But those who are there to thrive off your failures and pull you down when you’re headed up, will never be worthy of your time or your patience. Don’t give you energy to anyone who would not give theirs to you in the same situation.

Lastly, “Take risks. If you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise.” It’s ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. So this week, as we heel up, let’s heel up with others who will help us stand tall.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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