Hello High Heelers,
I’m still getting comments from High Heelers and flat-shoed ones who want to talk about journeying through healing and forgiveness after the deep disappointment of catching an unfaithful partner. You want to talk? Well then, let’s talk… Feel free to send comments, I promise to chat with you and answer any questions and thoughts that you post on the blog. This is, after all, a conversation. It’s a place where we can talk together, fall together, cry together, dust off the hurt together and walk on in solidarity – safely.
You know, there was a baby born with its heart outside its chest last year. Sometimes I feel like I can relate to that. I was definitely born with my heart on my sleeve. If you felt my chest for a beat, it’s likely that you’d think me dead. However, I am very much alive and I have the heart like a drum, it’s just in a funny place. I try so hard to create a filter between my heart, my thoughts and what comes out my mouth, but it just doesn’t work. I’m filter-less, like a strong cigar or bad water. I know no other way of getting through and walking tall, than through expressing, releasing and sharing. That’s me – take it or sleeve it. The truth prevails and sometimes feeling like a dork prevails shortly after sharing it.
There’s a lot to be said for honesty. Really. Truly there is. I think that my ability to actually be honest is what has allowed me to pull through the horror of realising that my ex-fiancé was engaging in numerous indecent, steamy relationships while making future plans with me. Of course, I felt the shame, the inadequacy, the stupidity, the rage, the deceit… I felt all those things. Let’s be honest. Being cheated on feels like nothing else. I’ve experienced the suicide of my bestest friend and that’s the closest feeling of anger that I can relate it to. It’s unbelievable. Then dreadful. Then painful. Then disgusting. Then all those things all over again. It makes you see people you thought you loved in a light that is so very dark. It makes you question the good of humanity and your worth as a being. It makes you question the ‘trueness’ of true love. It makes you question everything – and not in a good way.
What I’ve learnt from this deep deceit is that there aren’t always answers to every question you have. Sometimes there aren’t even questions. And to be frank, sometimes there are answers and you know them, but you deny yourself the truth. I could kick myself, as I actually came to this tragic realisation a year into my relationship with the ex-fiancé when he cheated with one of our university mates. Why didn’t I walk away then? Well, because I was a moron. Honestly, truly and faithfully. Stupid. The answer was clear. The behaviour was wrong all those years ago. Yet I went on for another eight years looking for answers and creating new questions. That’s my own fault. That’s on me. That’s the truth.
My boss Natalie Maroun, always says that the truth does not exist. Our truth is our perception of what we experience. And there’s certainly some, uh, truth in that. We do have the ability to create our own truths by shaping our perceptions and the way we see the world. As you create your own truth this week, don’t be idealistic and false as to who you are and where you’re at. Don’t be blind to what is happening around you. But do create a truth that is wonderful. Be true to yourself. Name yourself ‘strong’, ‘wonderful’, ‘enduring’, ‘resilient’. No matter what you’re going through, call yourself ‘survivor’, recreate your future, tell your story and create a truth that’s so beautiful that it cannot be ignored. Be fabulous. Truthfully.
As we walk into woman’s week, I wish all our High Heelers, strength, truth and appreciation for what we’ve achieved. And to all the flat-shoed-ones who support and love us – thank you for making us real and for being real, you hold us up when we feel like we’re falling.
Have a wonderful week.
Yours in heels,
Jo
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