Hello High Heelers
I’ve always liked hanging out with the ‘naughty’ girls. You know the ones. At school they had their shirts untucked and their socks were rolled down when they were meant to be folded. They were the kids who never did their homework and quickly copied your answers before History class. At university they were the ones who kept your place at the Friday Pub, while you were at Philosophy Tutorials adding their name, ID and student number to the ‘compulsory’ attendance register – with that sick feeling in your tummy.
You never mimicked their behaviour, but you somehow respected them for being rebels and rule-breakers. And when it came down to it, you were often judged for hanging out with them – well, I was. My most memorable ‘bad girl’ hang-out was a girl we’ll call Val. She was half-Brazilian and half-English and was the only non-100%-white person in my school before 1992 (that we knew of!) – which was a scandal in itself during apartheid-ruled South Africa. I found Val fascinating in every way and my family encouraged my friendship with her, while most other moms in our school banned their kids from playing with her.
Val soon lived up to her bad girl image. When we first met at 8 years old, she was reasonably ‘good’ but by the last year in primary school (grade 7) she was a certifiable ‘badass’. Perhaps it was the pain of being ‘other’ and different. Perhaps it was just who she was. But Val was drinking, lying, stealing and smoking by age 10. I would never have dreamed of doing the things she did, but I was completely mesmerised by her bravery and her ‘couldn’t care’ attitude.
One Saturday we were at a party of one of our classmates. We were 12 at the time. Val had managed to steal a bottle of whiskey from her father’s cupboard and cigarettes from her mom. She gathered a few kids to go ‘try out her stuff’ in the bushes. Being the curious person that I was – and still am – I ventured into the bushes with the small group. I didn’t touch a drop of booze, nor did I even think about trying the cigarettes – they smelled terrible and made the kids cough.
But when the ‘party mom’ followed the smell of burning and found us in the bushes, I was very much implicated in the illegal behaviour. It didn’t matter how innocent I was. I had been there and I was assumed guilty. The ‘party mom’ told on the lot of us and for the most part, the group had bruised bottoms by the end of that day. My mom was so upset with me that I didn’t even get a smack. She had a quiet talk with me and told me she was ‘disappointed’. That word was so much worse than any physical punishment she could have given me. She believed that I hadn’t tried the drinking and smoking, but she was horrified that I would partake in the behaviour and that I associated myself with lawbreakers. I had lowered myself to their level. I was devastated. I would have taken a hiding over the ‘disappointment’ that followed over the next few weeks, any day. I was riddled with guilt and I felt terrible.
And so it was that I learnt early in life, that who you associate with affects how people perceive you. It doesn’t make it right. But that’s the reality. It’s a little more complicated in the adult world – being friends with people who engage in drinking and smoking is now the least of our concerns. If you do business with a company that has a reputation for treating their staff badly, you’re very likely to pick up the same reputation. If you spend long lunches with the Production Manager who is perceived as a gossip and as bitchy, that’s likely to rub off on you. If you’re spotted with a person strongly affiliated with a specific ideology, you’re likely to be implicated in the same set of beliefs.
I’m not saying you should stay away from people who are different from you. In fact, I encourage that. We learn so much from those who have experiences far from our own. People and organisations that break the rules and are rebels today, can help us think differently and can even change the world – think of Steve Jobs! It’s not about rules anymore. What it all comes down to is integrity. Try and associate yourself with people and organisations that are loyal, trustworthy and filled with integrity. The additional positive spin-off, is that the more you are around good influences (like my boss, Natalie Maroun), the more they’ll ‘rub off’ on you.
As I learn this lesson for the hundredth time, allow me to encourage you to be High Heelers who are held in high regard this week. Let’s stand tall and stand proud. Let’s associate with greatness. Have a wonderful week.
Cheers,
Jo
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