Heeling storm

Hello High Heelers,

We had such a big lightning storm in Joburg on Friday that I was convinced that the world was ending. I was woken in the middle of the night when my apartment block was hit by a bolt. I think you’d have to have been in a coma to have slept through the deafening ‘crack’ and the subsequent vibrations. Considering that I slept through the only earthquake I’ve ever experienced, I think I can state with some measure of authority that it was well beyond being classified as simply ‘unpleasant’. And yet I found myself at my window, watching angry electricity attacking the skies, lighting up the whole city in a beautiful fireworks display. It was, in a word, spectacular. I spent many hours in a trancelike state of fascination and raw fear – feeling incredibly vulnerable and very single. If I didn’t have solid based bed, I would definitely have been hiding under it, with my duvet, like I did when we moved to this city and I experienced my first electric storm – I was petrified!

As the time passed and sleep was so distant, I became more and more awed by the power of nature. The rain, hail and electric shocks had no respect for our man-made constructions. It took out the satellite transmissions in my complex (I’ve had no TV signal since!), as well as all cellphone networks. Cars were damaged. House and vehicle alarms were screaming and flashing madly in the chaos. It was quite something to witness. I did finally manage to get some sleep – not much, but a little. On leaving my home in the morning, remembering the terrific storm the night before, I expected to find trees bent out of shape and the city looking like it had been hit by a bomb – because that’s what it felt like and sounded like.

But the city was not torn apart. In fact, it seemed more whole and healed in some way. There was a fresh scent hanging in the air, the trees were greener, washed clean of the usual dry dust and smog. The red earth was settled and solid. The sky was a little brighter. Even the streets looked ‘pretty’. It’s as if it Jozi city been through massive punishment to leave it a little cleaner and somehow renewed. The few clouds that were left behind were hanging, clear and white, like freshly unwrapped cotton balls. The change was so remarkable that I saw my world changed, even through my very fatigued eyes.

Of course, everyone I crossed paths with this weekend commented on the storm and how stunning and frightful it was. Ex-Joburgers in Cape Town sent messages of jealousy – knowing the brilliance that is a Highveld storm, and sad to have missed it (which is saying a lot from people who live in utopia). There’s a strange beauty in such brutality (and a respect of it too) that leaves the world a better place. It’s almost impossible to make sense of. But being a person who must make sense of all things, in typical ‘Jozi girl style’, I shall take a stab at it! I think, beyond cleaning up the streets that nature was playing ‘mother’ in her teaching role on Friday. She was showing us that after chaos comes light and after destruction comes restoration.

If there’s anything I’ve learnt over the past year of emotional storms, it’s that sometimes to be built up, we need to be broken down. Sometimes to have space for better opportunities we need to let go of what we’re holding onto – no matter how valuable it seems. Sometimes, what feels like punishment is really a gift, preparation for something better, something more exciting than you ever imagined for yourself. There is a reason to hope for a brighter day.

On Sunday, when I ventured into my home church again for the first time in over a year, after avoiding it and the questions that would follow my very public break-up in the past, I was  approached by an old friend who skipped ‘hello’ and went straight to ‘you have no idea how much you look like yourself again’. When I look in the mirror today, I can see it - though I can't tell you what it is. I guess my personal storm, with its fear, insecurity and intensity has passed to make way for a better things. I look forward to discovering them and, of course, sharing them.

To those of us that are still catching up with a year that seems to have taken us on faster than we’ve had a chance to catch up, those who are living in stormy relationships or tough work environments – let’s pull on our heels and stand up (no flippers allowed in this flood!) Let’s take the opportunity to turn calamities into positive experiences. Let’s take on whatever storm we face – one step at a time.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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Flatly Unstable

Hello High Heelers

After a few days of cruising the high seas, I find myself wearing low heels (if any heels at all). Why? Well because not only does one get sea sick, but shortly after landing on solid ground, one gets ‘land legs’. Who knew? Yep. Now you do. And for the past 5 days the world has been rather unstable under my feet. I’ve been completely ‘legless,’ so to speak.

In this state of unsteadiness and insecurity, I decided to spend the past weekend on my couch with a pile of chick flicks and some yummy scoobie snacks. That way I didn’t have to touch the floor or attempt to actually feel grounded in any way. One of the most fantastic things about being single is that you can watch five chick flicks in a row with no groaning, no sarcasm and no judgement. A true benefit to those of us that walk on our own two feet!

Now, there will be a massive disconnect here to those of you who know me well. If you’re one of those people, you’ll know that I’m actually an unashamed movie-snob. Never mind ‘movie buff’ I’m a total maniac who could easily be an E! Entertainment reporter – in fact I impersonate them when no one’s looking (BTW: ‘roller’ hairbrushes make for wonderful fake microphones). I seldom watch anything that is lacking in rich, unique narrative and some kind of poignant ‘life changing’ message. Art films are real and everything else is rubbish, hogwash, foof and the like. Well, after this weekend I can loudly declare that movie snobbery is for the birds! This chick is now into frivolous flicks. What amazed me most about the many many versions of the same narrative that I watched this weekend, is that each had profound moments of complete clarity. Either that, or this shaky, land legs thing has really left me unstable.

Most of these ‘moments’ were rather cliché. But to be entirely honest, cliché exists because there’s something real, repetitive and honest about it. I just loved the stories about the geeky, awkward, girl, who was really more attractive and wonderful than she ever realised. Then at the end of the story it takes (a ridiculously hot, successful) man to point out to her that she is special, wonderful, intelligent and uniquely beautiful. Sigh! Interestingly, this was the main character in ALL of the films I watched. How cliché!

Why does the cliché exist? Well, many of us are that girl (or at least we FEEL) like her, and hence, we relate to her intimately. May I make a suggestion at this point? Well I’m going to – this is my blog afterall. I think we should be a little more progressive than her. We should be a little more like my glamorously, confident boss, Natalie Maroun. Come on! Let’s not wait for some (ridiculously hot, successful) man to show us our fabulousness. Let’s all get up tomorrow, take a look in the mirror and appreciate our outer beauty – because we really are ALL beautiful in our own special way. Then let’s hit the office and appreciate the talents that we have and the value that we add. Then at the end of the day, let’s hang out with the people that love us and remember that they find us wonderful in many ways – because we are.

Let’s be the chick at the end of the flick, when she has realised that she is loved, unique, special, talented and worthy of all things good. Forget that gawky, unstable girl at the beginning who is always searching for validation and some kind of groundedness – urgh! You know - the one who sits on the couch, eats pizza, watches 5 chick flicks and sobs through a box of Kleenex (blush).

While we all decide to live our own movie character and take control over our own self-worth, let’s also be realistic with our worldview and remember that the only actual ‘happy ending’ in real life is the kind that happens in Bangkok. Sorry! We have to man-up and stand tall in our heels.

Have a wonderful week High Heelers.

Cheers,
Jo

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Assertive and standing tall!

Hello High Heelers

It’s spring in South Africa and so I have spring cleaned my life this week. I feel like a new person! Chaos has been building for months, and being the polite person I am, I have completely failed to be assertive when necessary. So it’s been time to pull on the heels, stand my ground, add a spring to my step and sort out my stuff.

I’ve had no lights in my house for 4 months. It started off one Saturday evening. One by one the lights went out. It was like an invisible giant blew them out in sequence, just to annoy me. My man, being the fabulous modern guy he is, proudly arrived at my house on the Sunday morning with new light bulbs. He then balanced precariously and rather peculiarly on my dining room chair and small kitchen ladder (the ladder on top of the chair) and replaced all the bulbs (without electrocuting himself or falling from grace). After the great bulb ceremony we took a moment to marvel at his brilliance. Then we took a collective deep breath and flipped the switches. Nothing happened. No lights. No action.

And so began a 4 month feud between myself and my Body Corporate – who manage all maintenance in my block of apartments. I emailed. I phoned. I even withheld my monthly maintenance payment one month due to lack of service and was very promptly served with a lawyers’ letter (interesting how efficient they were with that!)

On the positive side, in the past 4 months I have experienced many romantic candle-lit dinners and ambient-flickering evenings with friends. But more often, I have stubbed toes, fallen over my welcome mat and stumbled into items in the night. I have had many moments of new-found respect for blind people as well as appreciating the privilege of having lights and electricity in my home.

This dark situation culminated in an explosion of frustration this week. I suddenly decided that I would no longer put up with the inefficiency around me. The Body Corporate was sent a letter with dates of expected completion prior to legal action, the annoying neighbour who keeps dumping his trash in our shared passageway received a letter under his door, and the TV supplier who insists on non-delivery was publically named and shamed. And voila! All is magically sorted.

We often stop ourselves from being assertive because we don’t want to offend others or we have the ‘nice’ gene. However, if we don’t assert ourselves we’re taken advantage of. Did you know that nice people don’t change the world? Effective people do. So this week communicate what you need to in a fair, clear and respectful way. Remember respecting yourself is as important as respecting others.

Natalie Maroun, my boss, has a wonderful way of asserting herself. Sometimes gently, sometimes more forcefully when necessary, but no matter what, she remains true to herself and she stands tall (despite being rather short). Let’s learn from that and be effective upstanding High Heelers from now on. Have a great week.

Cheers,
Jo