Stepping up to dreams

Hello High Heelers,

I had yet another magical weekend this week. Since I learnt last week how important it is to spend time with special people, I’ve been putting the lesson to practice. I tell you what High Heelers – I’ve had no regrets. Not one! The only thing I’ve lost out on is sleep – and there’s always more of that to be had (as precious as it is). I once read that in your twenties you leave your home and in your thirties you return. The theory was about how when you’re in your young adult years you’re out discovering who you are, establishing boundaries by pushing them and figuring out your values by testing them. Then in your thirties you’ve settled down, you’re having kids and you’re building your own home, and in doing so you reconnect with family and your own past.

That may be true for many. In fact, it’s true for whole generations that came before us. But in today’s modern world I’m finding that such rules no longer apply. We have the freedom to abandon rules and make our own. Right now, I’ve decided that I’m rediscovering my twenties – just with more perspective and an extra sprinkling of wisdom that I definitely didn’t have back then. I spent my early adulthood building a relationship, nesting and structuring a strong value system and moral compass that I thought would guide me into the future. I was so grown up, so mature… and so unfun (which is now officially a word). From the age of around 24, I didn’t party till ‘stupid o’clock’ in the morning like my friends did, I didn’t indulge in different foods and drinks, I didn’t become friends with people completely unlike me who could bring a new lens to my world. I didn’t do any of those things. Nope. I lived in the confines that I built for myself. I still don’t know why I built them so high.

I’m beginning to learn as I grow up, that growing up is, at times, best done backwards – as in growing down. It’s about accepting yourself for who you are, like you did when you were a youngling. Being brave enough to do things you wouldn’t usually. But being wise enough to know where your boundaries are and what your truth is. It’s understanding that when calculating risk, you must look beyond economic gain, stability, structure and long-term investment, but to also see the investments we make in experience, in love, in friendship, in happiness and in making a difference beyond our own sphere. The world is as enormous as its geography, yet as small as the internet that connects us. We are surrounded by opportunity like never before.

This week let’s be all about dreams. May I suggest you connect with yours? Dreams are funny things. They’re sometimes so clear you don’t believe you could ever forget or ignore them, but as times passes and your priorities change, that’s exactly what you end up doing. Spend a moment to reflect on your deepest desires. What did you want to do when you were young? Did you want to give back to society through children? Do it. Find a kiddies’ home that needs support in your area and volunteer your time. Volunteer your love. Did you dream of being a doctor so you could care for people, and you somehow found your way into finance? That’s ok. Visit oncology patients, offer them some of your best time and quality listening skills. Connect with an organisation like “Reach for a Dream’ – and reach for yours.

What I’m starting to learn as I’m learning to grow down, is that you’re never too old to realise your dreams. Never. We don’t need to follow the impractical plan we had when we were twelve, we have a globe of options available. Use your time. Use your resources. Share your heart. It will make a difference to you. And it will make a difference to those you connect with.

So as I sit in reflection catching dreams like butterflies in my hands (they tickle a little, I must warn you) may I encourage you to grab hold of yours too? And when you catch them, hang onto them. They’re flighty little things and can easily flap away and make you lose your breath. Catch them. Keep them close. And put them to action. Breathe. You were made for this world and this time, and it was made for you. Make your difference. Be yourself. Be unique. Leave your legacy.

Have a wonderful week.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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These heels were made for walking

Hello High Heelers,

As you all know, I was previously engaged, and have been re-placing my feet in my heels since I became a single gal at the end of last year. It started off with a lot of tripping, falling on my face and sobbing mascara-raccoon-eyes. Red was the colour of my mood – rather than the hue of my lipstick. Messy hair became my lazy way of letting the world know I was angry (I know – rebellious!) and eating ice-cream for dinner ‘a la Bridget Jones’ was the norm for a few months – as was piling on the kilos (those evil things really do sneak up on your when you feel your worst!). While I was in it, I called that phase of my life ‘indulgence’ but it was really quite the opposite of that. It was falling apart so I could step up again. Not pretty. But necessary. So now I call it ‘finding the foundation’ (and I don’t mean the kind you smear on your face).

Being on my own has been a journey of learning to love myself as an individual again. It’s been about becoming comfortable in the quiet times. It has been a great, big, beautiful gift in many ways. What a privilege it’s been to feel so low that the only direction I could go was up. Introspection and self-knowledge became the evening pastime as I switched off the TV and spent time listening to the conversations in my head. After time, I was comfortable enough to just be with me and even managed to gain some control over the conversations happening in my brain. As I called myself ‘useless’, ‘stupid’, ‘broken’, ‘not good enough’ I began to silence the voice of insecurity and started speaking louder with my voice of joy, happiness and wholeness.

I think about who I was just a year ago and I can’t believe that I was actually that person. I am so much better now. I’m stronger. I’m wiser. I’m more adaptable. More understanding. More empathetic. And just plain better. In the relationship I’d become an ‘us’. I never made my own decisions. I didn’t go where I wanted to go. I was hindered by having to consult someone else on every decision I made and that someone else never put me or my dreams first. As a result I shut up my voice of destiny that had previously been talking me through the most wonderful adventures. I became a cold, lonely ‘us’.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that being alone is the best way to be. No! I’d be delighted to be blessed one day with a partner that adds to my life and allows me to be a better me through living my dreams. I’m saying that when you’re in a situation when you shut down your inner voice, and you focus on someone else’s needs and that person isn’t putting you first – you’re probably in a bad place. That doesn’t just go for romantic relationships. It stands in the workplace – my boss, Natalie Maroun encourages me to develop my passion and embrace my dreams. It stands in your friendship circle, where friends driven by jealousy could be holding you back. It stands in your family, where an overprotective family member could be subconsciously (or consciously) making you to let go of your dreams – encouraging you to be fearful of who you could be.

This week’s message is this – people have influence over you, and you have influence over them. Be congnisant of others and make sure you understand their role in your life. If people are breaking instead of building you, you need to reconsider how important that relationship is to you. And most importantly, be certain that you are not that negative force speaking into someone else’s life. Don’t tell your boyfriend not to skydive because you’re afraid of heights. Don’t tell your daughter that she’ll never make a good engineer because she’s too feminine and you have different dreams for her. Don’t limit people. Don’t limit yourself. Do realise that the sky is not the limit, there is no limit. If you have dreams, you must reach for them and you must help others reach for theirs too.

As I pull on my heels this week I feel an amazing sense of comfort knowing who I am again. If you’re going through cutting negative ties, don’t take your time, take action. Trust me – I know how hard it is! Let yourself out into the world with purpose. You are too unique and special to be held back by someone else’s fears. Step up with me and step into your new journey. Let’s go! Let’s walk together.

Yours in heels,
Jo

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